Hope in Godly Friendships (Sam Groce)

There are different types of friendships and some of the hardest are those that live in our memory like our favorite song. The ones who filled you with laughter, pulled all nighters with, felt effortless, and gave you a sense of belonging. However you never think about the day that you realize it's been days, weeks, months, and then eventually years since any of you reached out to each other. Sometimes I would just feel broken but not because of any one person, but simply because seasons have changed for each of you.

When thinking about these memories I can be overwhelmed with grief. I grieve the ease, the history, and the version of myself that I was within those friendships. And then somewhere along the way, I grew up and friendships became hard. Balancing work, friendships, school, and other commitments… How do people do this? I'd ask myself that question  all the time!  

Friendships in my adulthood felt more complicated and harder to maintain. They were less natural making it harder to feel safe and open up. When I tried to connect, it would lead to misunderstanding and disappointment leading me into a very dark season pulling me away from the one being that could make it all better. Instead of my friends leading me straight to God, we tried to fix all of our problems on our own. I had always wondered why this was so hard now. 

But God loves us so much that he won't stop trying to put people in our lives in order to break through the wall we built up to unintentionally block him out. He brought my husband and I to a church where our lives would forever change. So many women would not let me stay where I was no matter how long it took. He took me out of my comfort zone and into a healthy zone where I could make more than connections but also a covering. Surrounded by people who will cover my family and I in love and prayer! People who will not just sit with us but stand with us even when they are tired. 

These friendships didn't feel effortless at first, like I said, I had many boundaries. However, in learning to surrender areas of my life, I've been able to develop stronger, deeper, and more intentional friendships where we can laugh together, support each other, and just do life with each other. We definitely were not based on shared history, but we are standing on shared faith, trust, as well as a willingness to continuously grow together. I had to learn that sometimes, God slowly brings the right people in your life at the right time… on purpose.

Friends should not try to fix you, but also won’t leave you where you are. They should not listen without judgment, but speak to you with truth and love. They will show up not just in words but also in prayer, going to war for you when you don't have the strength to stand yourself. This kind of friendship is sacred and may not look like the memories you have of past friendships but it is exactly what God had planned for you all along!

These friendships at times for many people feel like a needle in a hay stack, and sister I am here to tell you I hear you and I see you. But I promise you that if you let him, God will bring them to you! He never intended us to walk our lives alone. He intended us to walk with each other and to point each other back to him, to remind you when you forget, to lift you higher to him when the world is tearing you down. And slowly but surely hope begins to grow again because God used them to break down and keep down all those barriers you built up to keep him out!

Hope that you can and deserve to be known and loved at the same time. Hope that friendship wont leave you in a dark season but will actually lead you out of the dark season. Hope that God is not taking anything away but in fact he is refining, restoring, and rebuilding your relationships.

If you find yourself in this season of emptiness and brokenness, longing for what once was and trying to embrace what is now, please hear me when I say, God is not replacing your past, he is redeeming your future! The friendships he is building now feel vastly different, however they are being rooted in something that is eternal. What is rooted in him will not just last but it will transform you!

One of my favorite scriptures about friendships is Proverbs 27:5-6, 9 “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet… Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

“Open rebuke” is when friends are being honest with you to lift you up, instead of leaving you in a dark season.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted” is when they love you enough to speak the truth, even when it’s hard.

“Pleasantness… from heartfelt advice” is when your friendships bring you life, wisdom and joy.

Sister stay strong and continue to surrender this season to God allowing him to reveal who he wants and needs you to let into your life!