Being a PenPal with God (Tiara Watkins)

Being a PenPal with God may sound a little strange, but I have been in a spiritual paralysis. It’s hard to pray and even harder to believe He is listening. His response, after multiple letters written to Him, shows that He sees me.

Dear Tiara,

My beautiful child! I know at times you don’t feel my presence but just know I not only

knitted you so individually special in the womb—I know every tear you have shed as well as the hurt, doubt, fear, and emotions you are feeling. You forget that I came down here to Earth and felt the same emotions. Do you really believe that only hard things happen to you? I myself have been betrayed by friends and have felt the anxiety of being away from my Father. I knew taking on your sins would put me in a position I had never experienced—not hearing His voice and thinking that He left me. I even prayed for a different way out. I prayed so hard that blood fell from my face like sweat. You have been praying hard prayers lately—not dripping blood, instead soaking the ground with your tears. Remember when you thought laying at my feet was a sign of weakness? You thought I would see you like a child throwing a tantrum, but all I saw was worship.

The cup of suffering was not taken from me and it will not always taken from you. I understand not wanting to hurt—your heart aches even more when you know the Father could create a different way that causes less pain and more desires fulfilled, be encouraged in knowing there’s a purpose. The suffering, uncertainty, and longing for change has created an intimate relationship between you and I. You conceive the idea that I’m mad at you for words you use and the fieriness in your voice. But you are very much so mistaken. I delight in the full surrender of your heart. The enemy has sent people who say they love you yet they crush your spirit, break your trust, and strip you of the confidence you once had in me. I struggled with that to, remember Judas? Here’s the difference with me, I can’t abandon you. I can’t lie to you. What I say was, is, and forever will be true, even when you don’t feel like it is. Your feelings are valid and also understand they are not always true. Satan’s whispers become louder when he tries to pull you away from me. He deceives and makes you question if I really am who I say that I am. Take comfort in knowing that the more time you spend with me you will not only be able to see how different I am, you will also begin to recognize my voice. Then, you can be bold in silencing the lies of the enemy by saying,

“That is not how my Father talks to me!”

Tiara, I am proud that you are mine. I don’t wish that it was someone else that’s more motivated or could write a theological position paper on the infallibility of scripture (I heard your question about seminary school, we will revise that later). I just want you. You are my delight. I paid everything in order to be close to you not just after death, but now. Speak my words over you especially when you don’t feel like it—the more you do, I will chip away at the lies that have made your heart callous. Times will come that you fall short and turn to anyone and anything besides me. Know that I will be waiting ever so patiently to meet you over a hot cup of coffee or on your bedroom floor collecting your tears. I will be so overjoyed when you return back to me I won’t remember why you left in the first place. My grace is sufficient, even for you my child! I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I can’t wait for us to fall more in love with each other.

Until we meet again.

Love,

El Roi

“The God who sees”